A Tribute to Kevin

A Tribute to Kevin
By: Jenessa Grau – niece

When I think of Aunt Pat, Kevin also comes to mind
Wherever one was, the other was never far behind
When apart, Pat answered his call with ‘Hello Love!’
Their marriage was a true gift sent from above.
That wedding reception was the best I can recall
We all partied hard, the cousins had a ball

Kevin was always so calm, cool and collected
Although if you sat in his presence he really connected
But Yahtzee, Bags, and volleyball were a different matter
He wanted to win, there was no time for chatter
If you were on his team there was no messing around
That ball came your way it better not hit the ground

The big bucket hats were what reeled Pattie in
His Pendleton flannel, pocket watches and very charming grin
And I don’t think that he loved anything more
Than my Auntie Pat who he truly adore
And the deep happiness he brought her can’t be overstated
She always came first, never under-rated
They were very faithful Catholics and openly prayed
Also fished and hiked The Hills, fond memories were made 

He was so thrifty and could always spot treasures
As long as it was made in the US, nothing was better
Goodwill, Savers, and Benson’s Flea Market to find
The perfect Rosemead or cool vintage sign
And he also had a sweet tooth, house full of candy bowls
But there’s nothing on your shirt, don’t risk your nose
What’s better than coffee with a bit of Baileys Irish Cream
I’m right there with you Uncle Kev, it’s always a dream

Even with his diagnosis others always came first
Time has gone by too fast, cancer is truly the worst
With your Savior and King the suffering has ended
Grant us grace and love as our hearts are mended
Tell Grandpa and Grandma ‘hi,’ please give Pam a kiss, 
Help heal Pat’s ache, know you’re so missed!

This Isn’t Goodbye

This Isn’t Goodbye 
By: Jenessa Grau

I can’t begin to imagine how it must feel
To walk in your shoes, the pain is surreal
My heart breaks to think of losing a sibling
Let alone a twin, with you from the beginning
Always together, never apart
Identical bodies, love of one heart
I miss Pam so much, your fellow commiserator
Remember, this isn’t ‘goodbye,’ it’s only ‘see you later.’

Think of the splendors that heaven will bring
The love, grace and beauty, meeting your King
After what you have been through, I have to admit
My own faith was shady, difficult to commit
To the belief a God could put you through all of this
Your world, your life, everything so amiss
But then I read a book; ‘Imagine Heaven’ it was called
The stories were amazing, I quickly became enthralled
My eyes were opened to a world infinitely greater
This isn’t ‘goodbye,’ it’s only ‘see you later.’

When you’re feeling depressed, hold onto this thought
Unimaginable beauty, the love you’ve always sought
A welcome party full of all those you have deeply cherished
Alive in heaven forever even if in this life they’ve perished
My heart breaks for Kevin and everything you’re going through
I pray to ease his suffering and pain, I pray also for you
The only guarantee in life is to someday meet your creator
It will never be ‘goodbye,’ it’s only ‘see you later.’

Again tonight, as before, I will silently pray
To help with your sorrows, take the pain away
Help you see the joy each new day can bring
Make your soul happy, give you a reason to sing
Never forget your entire family is here for you
Lean on us like a crutch, we’ll see you through
But in the end let each rainbow be a happy indicator
Today is not ‘goodbye,’ it’s only a ‘see you later.’

Long Kindergarten Days

Sometimes, Raylan has a tough time in kindergarten. Last year in PreK he went 4 hours a day every Tues, Wed, Thurs and that was it. He did great and he loved it! This year he’s at school for almost 7 hours 5 days a week. It’s a lot.

My kids get up at the crack of dawn. As in if it’s 6:30a there are least 2-3 little boys up and running around my house. Because of this they have to go to bed early, usually around 7p. If they stay up later than this, contrary to popular belief they do not sleep in. Trust me, we have tried time and time again, it doesn’t happen and they are just wired to be fully functional by 6-6:30 in the morning. If they stay up late, the following day is typically a nightmare! Ask me how I know…

The other day, Raylan said to me, ‘Mom, sometimes my body does crazy things and my brain is too tired to tell it to stop.’ He also shared that he’s sad he never gets to do anything fun. In his mind, he just wakes up, works on homework and gets ready for school, spends all day there and then gets home to play for only a little while, eat and get ready for bed. When he put it this way it made me really sad because he’s right. He doesn’t get to go to the park and play with his brothers, go on nature walks or ride his bike with us, he’s in school all day. 

When I was little, kindergarten was 2-3 days and we rotated every other week with the other class. We also had nap time with mats, lights off and music time. I feel like I turned out (mostly) ok so why do we have such a drive to take the play away from the children? It makes me so sad.

I think Raylan’s teacher recognizes some of this. She’s amazing and has been teaching for 17 years. The other day when he was starting to ‘act crazy’ she whispered in his ear ‘Raylan, I really need you be a role model for your other classmates.’ When he’s doing well she’ll say ‘Thanks for being a good role model,’ and he’s instantly proud of himself. She shared this with me so the following day when he came home I mentioned it, telling him I was proud he was such a good role model to his peers. He lit up, grinning from ear to ear and goes, ‘but Mom, what is a role model?’ I explained and then he was really ecstatic.

So, every morning before he goes to school I ask him to pick his 3 adjectives in an effort to help him have a good day. This morning he picked kind, respectful, and a good listener. This has really helped him focus on doing the right thing. That and a good night’s sleep. I just wish these kids had a little longer to be kids.

Mommin’ It

This morning on a random social media outlet a fellow Mom was looking for compassion. She sent out a plea to the masses regarding how difficult it is to raise a 1 and 3yo and how she feels like a failure because, basically, her kids are completely normal toddlers. Of course, this was in a mom’s group so she got a TON of commiseration but it got me thinking about how harshly she would likely be judged had she posted her blip in another group, or on her profile page and how quickly others, especially those who aren’t in the same life stage, are so quick to judge.

I HEAR YOU!
I SEE YOU!
I FEEL YOU!

Girl, this shit IS hard! I love my boys, they are absolutely my entire world and I have willingly given up my passion professionally in order to be the Mom I want to be with them. But DAMN! This shit is HARD!

My boys are (newly) 2, 3, and 5. My house is a disaster, even after the 5 hours of cleaning my unicorn husband did on Saturday. Within 8, 10 hours TOPS, the hurricane has come back through. I can’t walk across my kitchen floor without getting a sticker, food particle, or colored cotton ball stuck to my foot.  My guest bathroom smelt like piss the other day, I deep cleaned the whole damn thing and could not figure out why it still smelled like an old pool locker room! Then, I picked up the rug…did I mention I had 3 young boys? (Ya, that thing goes through the wash once a week now!)

The other day my nanny went to sweep and there was no dustpan. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Then my 3yo tells me he threw it into the trash last week because he accidently broke it. My vacuum can only do so much here people.

Did I mention my nanny? My nanny, oh sweet baby Jesus praise my wonderful nanny. You see, on top of everything I’m 15 days post op from an ACL surgery on my RIGHT KNEE! Which means that in addition to being largely nonweight bearing, I also can’t drive. LAWD this woman has been a God send! Not only have ALL 3 of my babies survived the last 2 weeks but they are also fed, clean, and happy. She has also driven me to all of my physical therapy and recheck appointments.

But surgery aside, my house is in a constant state of chaos. In fact, if I hadn’t let my OCD cleaning go (ok, lets be honest, I’ve never been next level OCD clean, but I have been somewhat picked up and organized, I don’t dust but my house is vacuumed-type clean), I would live in a constant state of stress and anxiety because it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep a house Pottery Barn immaculate with 3 small boys! IMPOSSIBLE! 

And, I have yet to register the actual decibels up in here but there are days I feel we’d be coming close to the Chiefs Arrowhead stadium record! Someone is always scream-crying, throwing another’s prized possession over the baby gate down the stairs, knocking over a recently built Magnatiles fortress, ripping up a sacred painting or other work of art, hitting, kicking, or pushing. Those brief stitches of time when everyone is getting along are heavenly, but few and far between. 

So yes mamma, yes! You are the only one who can’t stand being around toddlers, even the ones you have created. Obviously, just look at social media, everyone else’s children are so cute, friendly, clean, polite, and socially and emotionally put together…

Ha! Now, pour your classy glass of Merlot and come cry with me, my locked bathroom is reasonably big, let’s commiserate together! Then, breathe. Just admit defeat, be happy, and live your life. Get busy helping make messes with your littles. Acknowledge that mommin’ it is hard, parenting is NOT for the faint of heart. Someday your house will be clean but it will also be quiet, oh so quiet. What then?

Oh, and also, lets normalize the normality of motherhood along the way! Can we please? Let me start by posting this to my social media and we’ll see how it goes…

Lessons in Humility

Round 1:

It’s very difficult for me to go from being depended on by everyone to needing someone else for me to depend upon. Yesterday, with the femoral and sciatic block on my right leg, I was truly bed ridden and 100% relying on someone else to even go to the bathroom…

Now, with the block wearing off it’s a bit more tolerable but I still can’t hardly change a diaper! My littles want to be held and, although I try to make it work, I also have to say ‘no, not right now baby’ a lot more than I’d like. 

I will say, the pain is a lot more tolerable than I initially anticipated, a pleasant surprise. But tomorrow starts physical therapy, I’m sure that will knock me down a few rungs.

Kindergartener Misadventures

Welp, we’re four days in and Raylan’s managed to successfully bring home the kindergarten plague and share it with BB. Both brothers (Beckham and Lincoln) have complained at least one point throughout the day that they really miss Raylan while he’s at school. And this afternoon Raylan asked when he gets to go back to school, ha. 

What a week!

Big Kindergartener

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Yesterday was a big day in the Grau Household. Someone started his first day of kindergarten! Raylan didn’t miss a step and was VERY excited about everything, especially the bus ride. Middle joined me for the BooHoo Yahoo breakfast at his school and then we had a Middle ‘n Mommy day. 

Initially, I drove to SkyZone, the local trampoline park because that is Lincoln’s absolute favorite thing. But, since school started, it wasn’t open until 4p so instead we went to check out Kanga’s in Independence and let me tell you, that place gets 5 stars! Lincoln had at blast and the food was reasonably priced and very good!

Today, watching Raylan get onto the bus was easier and BB ‘n Mommy day was a blast too. He got to practice his gymnastics at Gage during Bump City toddler time. We also got donuts in the morning and then went out for lunch. 

We definitely have some busy, tired little boys over here. 

Quote of the Week

Quote of the Week goes to Raylan, bringing up the rear with this gem:

We’re in the tram at the KCZoo heading down to Africa and the tram driver announces for everyone to ‘keep your bits in the tram at all times!’

Raylan: Mom, what are ‘bits?’

Me: Well, she means your hands and feet and head, you know, to be safe.

Raylan, with wheels turning: Well what about my pesky little penis?

Me *wide eyed followed by hysterical laughter but trying to keep it together*: Yes baby, please keep your pesky little penis in the tram at all times too!

Flying with 3 Under 4

In what dimension of the universe would anyone think that it would fun to fly with 3 children under 4? Before you even ask me if this is an option, consider it, or even let the ether of this thought form in your brain, let me paint you a picture.

Imagine, not one row but two, 5 seats on an airplane and picture yourself in that 6th seat. In one row we’ll place myself, the mother, in an aisle seat with a 2 year old and 4 year old in the row next to me. In the seats next to you sit my husband, (although dashingly handsome, trust me you do not want this family seated even in the same cabin as you) and my 15 month old.

Depending on what time we’re flying, 1-3 children are likely hungry, 1-3 children are likely tired, and 1-3 children could be both. But guess what, none of them will be able to sleep because they will all be overstimulated by the new environment and their first time on a flight. Also, 1-3 children will probably be crying and this may last the entire flight.

Now, my husband and I will have planned accordingly. The carry-ons are full of toys, games, tablets, waters, juices, milks and snacks, but if you think this will help, you are probably mistaken. While 1-3 children may be distracted and satisfied for a portion of the flight, content-ness in all 3 for the entire flight would be like hitting triple ‘7s’ in Vegas or guess the correct final score of the Superbowl.

So, say we all survive the flight to where ever it is we are going. We now have to get all 3 children and carry-ons to the baggage claim without losing anyone in order to collect the 3 car seats we would have had to purchase carrier bags for and hope none of it was damaged floating around beneath our feet the entire flight. Oh, and let’s not forget the double stroller too, which has to be picked up at the gate and assembled while you wait in your seat.

Now, doesn’t that sound fun? And that’s only the first part if this fiasco, because now we need a rental car large enough for 3 carseats and to install said carseats. This is only step one. So no, no we will not be flying now, or likely anytime soon either.

A Tribute to Pam

 – A Collection of Memories From Her Nieces and Nephews
By: Jenessa Grau – niece 

As we gather here with family and friends in disbelief that today is the day
We have to reminisce of our time with you, you have been called away
Don’t worry Pam, what awaits you is much better than what you’re leaving
You fought your hardest but now you rest and we are left here grieving

It all happened so fast but maybe that’s best, this way you did not suffer
Carcinosarcoma is really a beast, I can’t think of anyone who fought tougher
The memories and love you have left us with are now our saving grace
The lives you’ve touched will never be the same without you in this place

As an aunt you were always there, cheering up in the stands
Football, basketball, volleyball, track, even watching us play in the band
And as all Welbigs are you were one of the loudest cheering with all your might
It was easy to tell that all of our victories truly brought you delight

Road trips were another passion you shared with many of your nephews and nieces
Yellowstone, Green Bay, and especially the Hills, these adventures were loved to pieces
You came camping with us several times, hiking, to the capitol to see Christmas Trees
We’ll always remember how you loved travel, games at Lambeau, and fancy cheese

When it came to cards you were a champ, Pitch was probably your favorite game
But from rummies to canasta, 500, and Yahtzee, you loved them all the same
We lived for those days of brunch, wine, and cards with all those ‘ol’ hens’
But if your cards were bad, you’d circle you chair, sometimes again and again

Your warm welcomes were a staple, big hugs and a kiss and on the cheek
Your contagious energy made everyone smile even after a rough week
You were always there for our life stages, births, weddings, showers, and holidays
Personalized birthday cards were never late and your cursive would always amaze

Pam’s flowers and garden were always fruitful, her thumb was truly green
She enjoyed sharing it and canning the produce, her salsa was a dream
And she loved to gift her great nephews and nieces with quilts she crocheted
We will all treasure these gifts as with great love they were each made

You bled green and yellow, ‘Go Pack Go!’, much to your brothers’ dismay
Your own twin couldn’t stand ‘em, but good ol’ Lori will have your back all the way
Oh the days when they played the Vikings, that really got the family feuding
In the end that Superbowl tally kept all of those purple fans brooding

Faith was another staple in Pam’s life, she always had God by her side
Positivity and strength through the chemo and radiation many others wouldn’t have tried
Pam’s resilient strength, love, and independence are what she’ll be remembered for
We know you’re in heaven playing cards with Grandma just please don’t let her keep score

We love you Aunt Pam!